


like a virgin

by thunderylee



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Canon Universe, F/M, Gender or Sex Swap, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2019-01-16 02:17:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12333447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: Yabu didn’t think it was possible to be a virgin again, but then he turned into a girl.





	like a virgin

**Author's Note:**

> reposted from agck. written for trope bingo (virginfic).

Being the oldest of ten original members, Yabu knows everyone’s business whether he wants to or not. The past six years have been a landfill of problems, secrets…and all things sexual. Nine first kisses, a few sexuality struggles, and seven virginities lost to date—Yabu was there for them all. A few he even handled himself, because after his own experiences, those kinds of things aren’t a big deal to him anymore.

Yabu’s first time was when he was barely sixteen, right after he shot up in height and didn’t look like a child anymore. A much older woman on the staff of some stage production had taken a liking to him, and that was that. Since then, there have been scattered women here and there, always older than him and discreet, but none were continuous. He doesn’t even remember their names.

Somewhere men got involved, because that was much easier to hide, but Yabu can’t recall how it started. Hikaru was one of the early ones, for obvious reasons, but he wasn’t the first. It wasn’t a senpai either, so it must have been another staff or co-actor. Men are equally as enjoyable as women, Yabu learned, but in much different ways.

To him, sex is fun and meaningless, but as he listens to his eighth and final member contemplate giving up his virtue, he wonders if he had missed out on something important. The younger ones have all acted like it was equivalent to getting married, anyway, which Yabu just didn’t understand. If two people are attracted to each other, then they should have sex. All of this worrying about compatibility and the future seems unnecessary.

At least he won’t have to go through this again, he thinks happily as Chinen sprawls across the couch like he has the hardest life on the planet. This one has always been behind the others, completely disinterested in these things until recently. There’s not even anyone he likes, Yabu learns; he just doesn’t want to turn twenty without doing it.

“You don’t have to like someone to have sex with them,” Yabu says, but Chinen just gives him an unimpressed look.

“Maybe _you_ don’t.”

Yabu doesn’t bat an eyelash at the tone, used to the accusations from people who don’t understand his outlook in this new age of sexual monogamy. “Do you want me to do it?” he asks gently. “I will.”

That has Chinen’s head snapping up, regarding Yabu with the most incredulous expression he’s ever seen Chinen give anyone. “Are you serious?”

“Sure, why not?” Yabu shrugs. “It wouldn’t be the first time.”

Chinen’s still gaping at him, nearly falling off the couch in the process. “You can really do things like that with anyone, can’t you?”

“Yes?” Yabu tilts his head in confusion. “If you just want to do it and get it over with, isn’t it better to do it with a friend? Someone who knows what they’re doing and won’t make you feel nervous?”

“No, not at all,” Chinen replies, sitting up properly and pulling his knees to his chest like he thought Yabu was going to jump him right there. “I would rather be nervous with someone I have those kinds of feelings for and figure things out together.”

“I guess you have to wait for that someone, then,” Yabu tells him. “I can’t make you develop feelings that I don’t understand.”

“You are absolutely no help,” Chinen huffs, getting to his feet and folding his arms. “I don’t see why the others act like you’re this sex guru when all you are is an emotionless slut.”

Yabu would scoff at that if he hadn’t been expecting it. “There’s nothing wrong with that, you know.”

“I feel sorry for you,” Chinen says, looking right into Yabu’s eyes before he turns to leave.

“I don’t need to hear that from a virgin!” Yabu calls out after him, frowning at the situation. He’s never been turned down like this. Chinen has always been a brat, but something about his words this time really get under Yabu’s skin. Who was he to judge Yabu for something he hasn’t even done himself?

His frustration doesn’t last long, because he can never stay mad at anyone let alone one of his members. Besides, later that night Chinen mails him to apologize, even if it’s followed by ‘good luck’. Smiling, he replies back that everything is fine and heads to sleep, wondering not for the first time what goes on in that kid’s head.

After almost eight years, it’s a little difficult to remember how it feels to be a virgin, anyway.

*

The next morning, Yabu is so tired that he doesn’t even open his eyes until he’s already in the bathroom, stumbling a bit over his own feet. He doesn’t remember drinking last night, but it sure feels like he did. Everything in his body seems like it’s put together wrong.

Then he realizes something very important is missing and has never seen his own eyes open so widely, a similar yet different reflection staring back at him from the mirror. His features are softer, his hair longer, adam’s apple gone. Swallowing hard, Yabu looks down and realizes the reason for his sudden hangover—he’s turned into a girl.

He looks a lot like his sister, actually, which is both creepy and comforting. A quick grab of his chest discovers actual breasts, though they’re not very big, and he’s already aware of his new plumbing. He’s still very thin, but a little curved around the hips and a good ten centimeters shorter than before.

“What do I do?” he asks out loud, and even his voice is higher. A shower doesn’t make anything clearer, just cleaner, though that’s enough to have him in brighter spirits.

He can still fit into his clothes if he rolls up the legs, glad that it’s winter and he can layer up shirts. For lack of anywhere better to go, he ends up at his mother’s, who calls him Kokoro for five minutes before she believes that he’s not really his sister.

“How did this happen?” she exclaims as she shoves some of his sister’s old clothes at him, mostly undergarments. “Are you magic and never told me?”

“I don’t think so,” Yabu replies honestly.

“Did you eat something weird before bed?”

Yabu shakes his head, jumping at the hair that flies into his face. “No. I didn’t do anything different, Mom, I swear.”

“Well, cherish this experience, then,” Yabu-mama tells him. “Not everybody gets to learn what it’s like to be the opposite sex. Maybe after this you’ll understand women better.”

“I understand women just fine,” Yabu huffs. “What am I supposed to do now? I can’t work like this.”

“I think someone somewhere wants you to learn a lesson,” his mother says, and instantly Yabu knows how he suddenly went from Kouta to Kouko.

*

Chinen looks like he’s expecting Yabu, flashing a giant grin when the older member shows up at his door. Even as a girl, Yabu is taller than Chinen, but Chinen couldn’t care less about that as he ushers Yabu inside his family’s house and up to his room.

“Did you do this so that you could have sex with me this way?” Yabu exclaims. He’d run through a number of possibilities on the way here and this is the only one that makes even a bit of sense.

“You would think that, wouldn’t you?” Chinen answers, looking smug as he sits on his bed. “Would you let me?”

Yabu starts to reply that of course he would, what’s the difference of some parts, but suddenly he feels super weird and has the urge to wrap his arms around himself. It’s ridiculous because he’s still wearing three layers, his breasts too small for Kokoro’s old bras.

“Thought so,” Chinen says to his silence. “Congratulations, Yabu Kouta—you’re a virgin again.”

“What?!” Yabu nearly shrieks, then remembers where he is. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Chinen grins. “It has to do with _everything_ , because you won’t turn back into a boy until you have sex for the first time.”

The words hit Yabu like a train, nearly knocking him over where he stands in the middle of Chinen’s bedroom. This should be the easiest challenge in the world, but his new body keeps conflicting with his thoughts. “I still don’t understand the meaning of this.”

“You will.” Chinen leans over to swat Yabu on the ass, but Yabu jumps out of the way on instinct. “Don’t you only have today off? Better get started.”

Yabu would stick around and glare, but somehow Chinen creeps him out and he wants to get out of there as soon as possible. After he borrows a bra from Chinen’s sister.

*

“I need you to have sex with me.”

Hikaru pauses mid-yawn and peers through his glasses. “Aren’t you married?”

“I’m not neechan!” Yabu exclaims, stomping his foot for emphasis. “I’m Kouta. As a girl. Stupid Chinen put a spell on me.”

Hikaru blinks. “I need coffee for this.”

The place is a mess as usual, but Yabu just flinches at the surroundings as Hikaru makes coffee. Despite being here tens of thousands of times, Yabu feels more uncomfortable than he had at Chinen’s. Must be all of these new hormones he doesn’t know how to deal with.

“Okay,” Hikaru says after a long swig, scratching the back of his head to make his hair stick up even more. “Tell me what happened.”

Yabu blurts out the whole story, including his initial conversation with Chinen that he would have kept confidential under normal circumstances. Hikaru listens in mild interest, offering a laugh when Yabu tells him the terms of the spell.

“If that’s all you need to do to break it, then it’s kind of dumb to begin with, isn’t it?” Hikaru asks, his tone making Yabu frown. “What is that face for? It’s cute when you do that, you know.”

“Don’t say things like that,” Yabu mutters, that weird feeling coming back. “I don’t understand this girl stuff at all, so the sooner I can change back, the better.”

“All right, damn.” Hikaru grins. “I’ve never had someone want it so badly before.”

Yabu’s hands clench into fists at his sides, but he ignores it. At this rate, he’s liable to punch Hikaru before the latter even has a chance to take his clothes off. Just the thought of that has Yabu covering his face, cringing so much that he has to sit down, and he nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

“Wow, you’re a mess,” Hikaru says, sounding amused. “You want to do it right here in the kitchen? Come here—”

Yabu’s shoving him away before he knows what he’s doing, his hormones completely taking over. “Can you at least take a shower first?” he finds himself snapping.

“Yeah, okay.” Hikaru gives him a weird look as he disappears down the hallway. Yabu expects relief the second he hears the water start, but it just makes him more nervous. This is ridiculous, he tells himself as he stomps down the hall to Hikaru’s bedroom, flopping right into the center of his bed and trying to look appealing.

Except when Hikaru returns from the shower, hair wet with just a towel wrapped around his waist, Yabu’s attacked with all kinds of feelings he’s not used to. The arousal is familiar, but the shame is not, along with all of the uncertainty and fear that grows as Hikaru approaches him.

“You look terrified,” Hikaru says, all traces of humor gone from his face as he looks down at Yabu. “You know how girls work, right? I’m not putting anything anywhere if you don’t relax.”

“I’m sorry,” Yabu blurts out, his vision blurry as tears fill his eyes, and now he feels humiliated. “I don’t know what’s happening—I can’t control any of this.”

He must be sobbing, because Hikaru’s arms are instantly around him, both comforting and suffocating. “Shh, it’s okay,” Hikaru whispers. “I’m not going to do anything while you’re freaked out like this.”

That has Yabu relaxing, though his heart is still pounding as he reaches up to return the embrace. Hikaru’s skin is warm, still damp from the shower with firm muscles. Touching him makes Yabu feel better, his nerves slowly calmed by the textures that are both familiar and brand new.

He whines a little when Hikaru pulls away, but it’s only long enough for Hikaru to get dressed. “I think your new girl feelings have to like me first,” he hypothesizes as he pulls a shirt over his head.

“But I like you more than anyone,” Yabu mutters.

“Yeah, but you don’t _like_ me,” Hikaru corrects him. “Now get out of my bed.”

Yabu feels like a scolded puppy as he scrambles to his feet, still folding his arms in front of his chest despite having proper undergarments now. “Where are we going?”

“I’m taking you on a date,” Hikaru says, and Yabu feels his whole body light up. “Ah, that’s good, right? Your girl feelings like that a lot.”

“I guess,” Yabu replies, trying not to look as excited as he feels. It seems dumb to feel ashamed of wanting Hikaru to spoil him like a girlfriend, but it’s only been a few hours and he’s already given up trying to find logic in female emotions.

It’s early enough that they can have brunch, talking about work and their families like usual while Yabu calms down. After that, they catch a matinee show and Yabu only jumps a little bit when Hikaru reaches for his hand. That’s as far as it goes, though, fingers lacing together as Yabu chances a look over to Hikaru’s face and finds him smiling.

The afternoon is spent shopping, because Hikaru insists that Yabu should have some pretty girl clothes even if it’s just for a day. The outfits he picks are comfortable and practical for winter, but Hikaru looks at him like he’s the prettiest girl in the mall and Yabu likes the way that feels a lot.

“You seem to be warming up to me a bit,” Hikaru whispers as they wait for a table at dinner, and Yabu shivers in a way that has nothing to do with the cold.

“You’re good at this,” Yabu tells him, unable to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. “You must take out a lot of girls.”

Hikaru pauses at that, but then his arm is around Yabu’s waist, under his coat, inconspicuously pulling him closer. “You and I both know I don’t have time for that. I’m only doing this for you.”

That seems to please Yabu’s hormones, which become a little bitchy as Hikaru smiles at the waitress who seats them. Jealousy is so unattractive, but here he is feeling it and there’s nothing he can do about it.

“I’m sorry this is so much work,” he says after they order, guilt flooding him. “This was your day off, too.”

Hikaru hides a sigh, which makes Yabu feel even worse until there is a hand reaching for his across the table. “Yabu, I don’t mind spending my day off with you at all. It’s actually been awhile since we hung out, hasn’t it?”

“It has,” Yabu admits. “I’m sorry you have to put up with me being a stupid girl.”

The hand on his squeezes him firmly. “Stop that. Girls are not stupid. You’re just not used to dealing with their emotions. Relationships take effort, right? But it’s worth it in the end.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Yabu replies, and Hikaru’s smile becomes sympathetic as their food arrives.

Yabu thinks about all of this as they eat, pushing away the unwelcome thoughts that seem to have come standard with this new body. All of the people he’s been with before were just flings, mutually understood. Most of them were older than he was, anyway, so they didn’t want anything serious. He’s spent the last couple years watching the younger members deal with sneaking around and getting into petty arguments and Yabu was glad he never had to worry about any of that. It all just seemed like such a hassle.

“Are we going back to your place now?” he asks as they leave the restaurant, his nerves shooting back up at the thought.

“Not yet,” Hikaru answers, hiding a grin as he guides Yabu in the opposite direction of where he lives.

It’s way too cold to be out walking around, especially in a long skirt, but the city is already decorated for Christmas and Hikaru’s arm is slung low around Yabu’s back as they take in all the scenes. Yabu has seen it all before, of course, but somehow it’s different now with Hikaru’s presence by his side. It feels nice.

All at once he stops walking, his vision too blurry to see in front of him, and it takes two seconds for Hikaru’s arms to wrap around him, holding him close and soaking up Yabu’s tears with his sweater.

“I hope you’re crying because you’re touched by my hidden romantic side,” Hikaru whispers, and Yabu snorts. “Hey, you’re not upset, right?”

Yabu shakes his head as he pulls back, trying to decide whether to use his sleeve or his gloves to wipe his eyes, but Hikaru gets there first. His thumbs are cold, but the touch feels nice as Yabu blinks out the last of his tears for Hikaru to wipe away.

“If this is what it’s like to have feelings for someone, I hope they go away after I turn back,” Yabu grumbles, his voice shaking along with the rest of him.

“It’s okay if they don’t,” Hikaru says gently, and the next thing Yabu knows is lips on his, cold and warm at the same time as everything just crashes down on him. He can’t even be bothered to try and sort out his feelings now that they’re working in his favor, standing up on his toes to loop his arms around Hikaru’s neck and return the kiss with everything he has.

It’s a million worlds different than the last time they were together, but familiar enough for Yabu to completely relax in the embrace. Before, they were just fumbling boys trying to get off anyway; this is completely different, and not just because Yabu is physically a girl now.

The kiss ends entirely too soon, but they are in public and it’s _freezing_ and all Yabu does is nod when Hikaru asks if he’s ready to go home.

His nerves start up again, but this time they’re from anticipation.

*

Hundreds of fantasies fly through Yabu’s head on the way back to Hikaru’s apartment, but all of them start with Hikaru ravishing him the minute they get through the door and that’s not what happens. Yabu watches curiously as Hikaru shrugs off his coat and disappears into the kitchen, emerging with two cups of hot chocolate and laughing when he sees Yabu still standing in the entryway.

“Take off your coat, stay awhile,” he teases, and Yabu rushes to comply. It’s suddenly very warm in here anyway.

Hikaru sits under the kotatsu and motions for Yabu to join him, flashing a toothy grin when Yabu accepts the second cup. Something about that expression has Yabu remembering a much younger Hikaru, shorter but with a similar grin as they got up to no good together.

“It’s ironic, isn’t it?” Hikaru asks, his voice low and soft. “You were the one who took my virginity, and now I’m going to take yours.”

“It doesn’t really count,” Yabu replies, pausing to take a sip and rave about how good it tastes. “It’s just different parts, but still the same concept.”

“Virginity isn’t just physical,” Hikaru says, and Yabu’s body shudders like it had just noticed how close they were. “It’s emotional too, sometimes even more than the physical act. You can’t really understand it unless you feel it, which you do now, right?”

“I think so.” Yabu puts down the cup and looks sheepishly over at Hikaru. “I guess this is what Chinen wanted me to understand.”

“I mean,” Hikaru goes on in a rush, “it’s likely that you won’t ever feel this way again once you go back, but at least you can reflect upon this experience the next time someone wants advice, right?”

“Hikaru…” Yabu says slowly, recognizing the look on his best friend’s face that he hasn’t seen in years, when he was pretending that he was fine after getting dumped by yet another girlfriend. “Was it emotional for you? When I did it.”

Hikaru sighs. “Sort of. I mean, I was seventeen, so who knows if any of it was real. But I definitely felt things that were comparable to later on when I started dating.”

“I’m sorry—” Yabu starts, but Hikaru shakes his head.

“Don’t be. It was an amazing experience, unrequited feelings included. I would do it again in a heartbeat—in fact, I think I’m about to.”

Yabu’s heart feels like it’s about to explode right out of his chest, his eyes welling up with tears again. “Hikaru.”

“Come here,” Hikaru says, reaching for Yabu’s face, and all Yabu can do is lean toward him, meeting him halfway for a kiss that is nothing like any kiss he’s ever had before. His mind goes completely blank, the motions autonomous as he feels Hikaru’s hands on his skin, leaving tingles everywhere they touch. His arms lift to wrap around Hikaru’s neck again as his head tilts to feel more, their kiss deepening naturally until Hikaru pulls back enough to speak into Yabu’s lips.

“Do you want to go to my room?”

Yabu just nods, gasping as Hikaru picks him right up and carries him down the hallway. Hikaru can lift him as a man too, but it feels completely different this way, especially when the end result is being laid down onto Hikaru’s bed with Hikaru hovering over him.

“Are you still scared?” Hikaru asks, and Yabu shakes his head as everything in his female body screams for Hikaru to lower himself on top of him. “If you want to stop, just tell me, okay?”

“Okay,” Yabu replies, lifting both hands to Hikaru’s back to push him down with an ‘oof’. “Now help me figure out these new parts.”

Hikaru laughs, followed by a low grown as Yabu spreads his legs to allow Hikaru to fall between them. “Don’t worry, I got this.”

Yabu grins as Hikaru kisses him again, both of them inhaling sharply at the first rock of Hikaru’s hips. It sends jolts of pleasure all throughout Yabu’s body, his legs automatically lifting to wrap around Hikaru’s waist and pull them closer, heat rising with each passing second. It’s almost too fast, but Yabu’s body is giving nothing but green lights and he’s not about to do anything that will put this off even more.

Hikaru’s mouth doesn’t leave his, kissing him even harder as those hands roam up and down Yabu’s sides, swallowing the gasp when he hits a good spot. Then they’re on his skin and Yabu arches under callused fingers that keep moving up and up until they slip under the lace of Chinen Saya’s bra. Yabu feels an even stronger jolt of arousal when Hikaru flicks his nipples, reaching up to pull all of his layers over his head because it’s way too hot for clothes.

There’s a small twinge of embarrassment when Yabu sees Hikaru looking down at his bare chest, but it goes away the instant Hikaru lowers his head, replacing his hands with his mouth. It feels so much better than when he was a man, but it could just be Hikaru. Everywhere Hikaru touches him feels good, especially when he moves back up Yabu’s body to kiss him again and Yabu feels how much Hikaru is into it.

Yabu can’t stop pushing against it, feeling the hard bump right between his legs, and it would be shameful if it didn’t feel so damn good. His own hands start to roam, slipping under Hikaru’s sweater and feeling the skin that’s a little sweaty from the temperature rising between them. Yabu helpfully takes off the sweater, his hands running all over Hikaru’s back and chest to appreciate the firm muscles that continue to work as Hikaru keeps grinding down. Hikaru makes a faint noise into Yabu’s mouth when Yabu flicks his nipples, twisting them a little as he remembers that Hikaru likes that, and the next move Hikaru makes is a pointed thrust that has Yabu tearing his mouth away to moan out loud.

It doesn’t stop as Hikaru kisses his way down Yabu’s neck, chest, and stomach, fingers lingering at the waistband of Yabu’s skirt. “Can I keep going?”

“Yeah,” Yabu answers, his breath coming in quick spurts as Hikaru finds the fastenings of the skirt and lowers it down his legs. His underwear is next, and the part of Yabu that wants to freak out about it is overridden by the part that wants Hikaru to fucking do something down there already, everything throbbing with need.

Hikaru doesn’t make him wait, looping his arms around Yabu’s thighs to spread them open as he licks right where Yabu wants it, making Yabu lose even more of his inhibitions. Then one of those fingers is pushing inside him and Yabu arches sharply, feeling for himself those bass guitar skills that play his female body just as well. A second one slips in and Yabu feels like he’s about to explode, every ounce of his body involved in this pressure that accumulates faster than he’s used to.

“Don’t stop,” he hisses, clutching onto the sheets on either side of him with both hands. “Gonna come.”

Yabu cries out as orgasm hits him, tearing one of his hands away to push Hikaru off of his sensitive clit and pull him back up. His fingers don’t leave, nor does Yabu want them to as he pushes back so pointedly that Hikaru moves them faster. Once he’s in reach, Yabu shoves off the rest of his clothes and pauses, glancing up at Hikaru’s face.

The eyes looking down at him are gentle and caring, sending a rush of feelings through Yabu’s body that just take him higher and make him want more. He watches as Hikaru wipes his mouth on his arm and gets a condom from the nightstand, which Yabu snatches to put on himself. He hasn’t touched Hikaru there yet, at least this time, so it seems fair. Even if arguing seems to be the last thing on Hikaru’s mind as he leans down for another kiss and groans at the first touch of Yabu’s fingers on his cock.

It’s bigger than Yabu remembers, hardening even more in Yabu’s hand that keeps stroking him even after the condom is on. Hikaru’s noises remind him of the first time, only they’re much deeper now that he’s older, and Yabu wants to hear more of them while Hikaru moves inside him. He spreads his legs invitingly, pushing away the last-minute nervousness as Hikaru kneels between them, staring down at him.

“Ready?” he whispers, and Yabu nods. It actually hurts a little when Hikaru pushes in, but it’s slow enough for Yabu to adapt after a few seconds. He’s been on the other end of this and knows how hard it is to hold back, dragging his knuckles up Hikaru’s spine as a silent thank you for waiting. In return, Hikaru crushes their mouths together, sharing Yabu’s girl-taste that becomes even more enticing as time passes.

Yabu belatedly realizes that’s because he’s changing, limbs extending and parts relocating and he can’t do anything but moan because everything feels so much _better_. Hikaru has to notice because Yabu gets too tall for him to kiss properly, not to mention the severe difference of what he’s thrusting into that is thankfully still lubricated.

“I didn’t know it would be immediate,” Yabu jokes breathlessly, his voice back to normal, if a bit deeper.

Hikaru pauses. “Do you want me to stop?”

“Do you want to stop?” Yabu asks.

“No,” Hikaru answers, shaking his head so much that his hair flies everywhere.

“Then keep going,” Yabu tells him, pulling his knees up to his chest to get a better angle. Hikaru’s next thrust has his head tilting back, hips pushing up on their own. “Hikaru, right there.”

Hikaru pounds into him harder and Yabu reaches down between his own legs, nearly crying with relief when he finds his cock back and harder than ever. Touching it has Hikaru hissing, his body getting tighter with each stroke and Yabu can’t stop himself from moving faster, choking on his noises as he gets closer to his second release.

“Kouta,” Hikaru whispers, and Yabu’s eyes flash open to find Hikaru looking down at him, bangs stuck to his face. “Do you still feel it?”

Yabu’s skin tingles under Hikaru’s eyes, the rush of emotions both familiar and unfamiliar, but all he does is nod. “Yeah, I do.”

“Good,” Hikaru replies, stretching as much as he can to press their mouths together, and Yabu leans forward to kiss him deeply until Hikaru hits him just right and he arches sharply, pulling himself off as fast as he can while crying out Hikaru’s name. Hikaru comes with him, shuddering on top of him and Yabu can feel the pulse inside him in the midst of his orgasm.

Yabu stretches out while Hikaru cleans up and it’s not as awkward as it could be, Yabu’s mindset much happier without all of those insecure feelings clouding it up. Instead he looks at Hikaru much differently, perhaps how he should have looked at him five years ago, but it’s nice. Comforting. Loving.

“Don’t go,” Yabu says as Hikaru starts to get up, reaching for his arm.

Hikaru just reaches for a blanket and flops back on top of Yabu, their skin smacking together from the impact. “My first love is in my bed, where on earth would I actually go?”

“Your…?” Yabu starts to repeat, then blinks. His heart twists like when he was a girl, but his eyes are dry. “Hikaru.”

“I never told you because you never had feelings like that,” Hikaru explains before Yabu can ask. “I thought I got over it a long time ago, but today they just came flooding back, and after having sex with you…do you think it’s impossible?”

“What’s impossible?” Yabu asks, mind blown.

“You and me.” Hikaru smiles sheepishly as he meets Yabu’s eyes. “You know. Together.”

Yabu can’t explain what happens inside him at that, just that he likes the way it feels and it only gets stronger when he thinks about being with Hikaru like he was all day, except as a man. “We won’t know unless we try.”

Hikaru claims his mouth again, making Yabu forget about everything but the man above him, whom he’s known for half of his life, and how it’s the first time he’s fallen in love.

*

_It’s okay to wait for someone you like_ , Yabu types into his phone later. _It doesn’t matter how old you are, just that it feels right_.

Satisfied with himself, he starts to get ready to sleep, and there’s a message waiting for him when he returns to bed.

_thx but i gave it up last summer. we don’t always tell u everything. :P btw you’re welcome._

“Little shit,” Yabu grumbles, but Hikaru tugs on his arm and Yabu abandons his phone in favor of a lesson learned.


End file.
